Monday November 23: Daily Links

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MONDAY 11.23


NEWS STORIES

 




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everything


Guitar Center Files for Bankruptcy

God damn Covid ! Guitar Center better not fade away! Where else am I going to go to rock out on Smoke on the Water?!

Read more at reuters.com.


Who Did Chris Christie Call a National Embarrassment!?

“Turn out the lights
The party’s over
They say that all
Good things must end
Call it a night
The party’s over
And tomorrow starts
The same old thing again.”

Read more at cnn.com.


Nobody Needs Deer-Flavored Whiskey, and Yet Here it is

A New Hampshire distillery is now adding a venison-flavored whiskey to its weird list of offerings, and you can buy it at artintheage.com.

Sounds like something to knock back in the ol’ man cave, am I right fellas? …

Fellas?? Why are you all projectile vomiting?!?

Read more at pennlive.com.


Tesla Employees Deemed Essential

If you work for Tesla and live in Cali, you don’t have to follow the stay at home order, because the state deems you to be an essential worker.

One thing is for certain, billionaires will find a way.
Read more at gizmodo.


Ted Cruz Thinks There’s A War On Thanksgiving

While Ted Cruz worries about the war on Turkey Dinners, his State has Mobile Morgues that are filled with Covid Death.

You wanna try and ruin Ted Cruz’s Thanksgiving just to save lives during a deadly pandemic?? This tough guys has something to say (but don’t worry, probably nothing to do) about it.

Read more at buzzfeed.



SPORTS



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more stories coming soon

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ENTERTAINMENT



Patricia Richardson Embraces The Gray

You won’t see Patricia Richardson’s hair dye streaming down her face during a big interview. She’s a natural woman.

In other news Tim Allen is a Proud Boy.

Read more at yahoo.com.


Danny Elfman and Bridget Fonda Selling Old School Mansion

Danny Elfman and Bridget Fonda are selling their classic 1920’s Beverly Hills mansion. Beverly Hills dude. You should buy it.

Swimming pools. Movie stars.

Via digg.


The Weeknd Gives an Explosive AMA Performance, Featuring Kenny G

You ever wonder what it would be like to see the The Joker’s hospital scene accompanied by Kenny G?


more stories coming soon

everything



GOING VIRAL



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EVERYTHING



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STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS



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everything



WEEKEND LINKS


NEWS STORIES

 



Major Real Estate Developers Going All In on NYC

New York is dead and never coming back? Well the future is more really big building with people crammed together!

Future so bright I gotta wear shades!

Read more at nypost.


Sturgis Being Blamed For Covid-19 Spike In Minnesota !

Hey Minnesota be easy on yourself. It’s not your fault. It’s fucking South Dakota! The CDC says
“The motorcycle rally was held in a neighboring state that did not have policies regarding event size and mask use, underscoring the implications of policies within and across jurisdictions.”

At least they got to see Smash Mouth!

Read more at mediaite.


Dr. Fauci Assures us Santa Claus is Immune to Covid

If your kids are worried about Santa Claus being a super spreader, you can tell them Dr. Fauci says Santa is immune.

I don’t care what Fauci says, that fat man better be wearing a mask when he squeezes down that chimney.

Read more at fox8.com.


Neon Green Sinkhole Appears in Seattle

Looks like we just found the secret of the ooze, eh???

Read more at nypost.


AI Is Making Creepily Real Looking People Now

Take a look at these faces – they’re not actually real people, they’ve been created by AI businesses that make fake humans. Between this and robot dogs, the human race is in deep trouble.


Police Union Boss tells Strap Hangers They’re on Their Own

Violence is up on public transportation in NYC and PBA Prez Pat Lynch is saying that NYers are going to have to tough it out. “While our elected leaders are closing their eyes and wishing the problem away, we recommend that all New Yorkers keep both eyes wide open while in our transit system,” he said as part of a statement.

Well the ask was to acknowledge that Black Lives Matter.
The answer OK NOW NO LIVES MATTER!

Gotcha. Can we borrow some weapons?

Read more at nypost.


Kenosha Shooter Kyle Rittenhouse Illegally Bought Gun

17 year old Kyle Rittenhouse killed two protestors with a gun he bought using his stim check. “I got my $1,200 from the coronavirus Illinois unemployment ’cause I was on furlough from YMCA and I got my first unemployment check so I was like, ‘Oh, I’ll use this to buy it,’” he said.

What did you do with your coronavirus stimulus check? Did you buy a an illegal gun, cross state lines and kill someone?

Then you are a hero to some people.

Read more at yahoo.com.


Insane Line forms for Grand Opening of In-n-Out in Colorado Springs

People are going bananas for the first In-n-Out fast food restaurant to open in Colorado.

Shouldn’t be as hard to get a burger as it is vote.


Worst Idea of 2020?

Scientist are splicing human genes in to monkey brains making them more intelligent.

So the idea is if a global pandemic doesn’t wipe us, let’s just try Planet of the Apes.

To quote the zoomers… y tho?

Read more at nypost.


What’s Worse Than Rudy’s Bad Dye Job?

Finally people are picking up on something that’s worse than Rudy’s dripping hair dye. Behold his disgusting snot rag etiquette.

Okay now that THAT’s how ya get covid



SPORTS



Sean Payton Is Gambling On Taysom Hill Being The Next Saints Franchise QB

Sources close to Sean Payton are saying he’s starting Taysom Hill today because he “just wants to know” if Hil has what it takes to be the Saints next franchise QB. This must really be hurting Crab Legs feelings right now.


The Rock Won’t Concede Sexist Man Alive Title

2019 winner Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson congratulated Michael B. Jordan on being named People Magazine’s Sexist Man Alive for 2020, but jokingly added in a tweet, ‘I concede nothing’. The Rock is hoping that a Florida recount puts him over.

Read more at deadline.


Toronto Raptors Will Open Their Home Games in Tampa

Canada has some heavy COVID precautions so the Raptors are going to Tampa where masks are only worn by people
cooking meth.

USA! USA! USA!

Read more at espn.


Snooker Star Farts During Match, Tries To Blame Ref

Snooker star Ronnie ‘The Rocket’ O’Sullivan farted during his match at the Northern Island Open – then tried to pin the blame on the ref. O’Sullivan would later cop to it, claiming he had batting stomach problems. For his next game, O’Sullivan will ask the ref to pull his finger.

Read more at tmz.



ENTERTAINMENT



Mark David Chapman’s Signed John Lennon Album Being Auctioned

Really Mark? You didn’t even keep the album? Then what was this all for?

You shit eating eating fuck stick.

Read more at yahoo.com.


Sexiest Man Alive Joins Only Fans

Michael B. Jordan is the sexiest man alive according to People Magazine and now he is Joining Only Fans.

This better not just be cheesecake shots of your abs. We need something to get us through 2020, Michael B!

Read more at buzzfeed.com.


Hot Mic Insults Euphoria Star

Euphoria star Loukas Gage shared the moment a director insulted his apartment on Zoom, thinking he was on mute.

Well that was cringey, but at least he wasn’t masturbating!


Ringo’s Grandson, Liam Gallagher’s Son Charged In Brawl

Sonny Starkey, grandson of Ringo Starr and Liam Gallagher’s son Gene and model Noel Ponte all plead not guilty to charges stemming a fight at a London convenience store last year. The trio allegedly fought with a security guard after trying to buy beer after the store’s curfew. Sorry kids, the get out of jail free card only applies to actual rock stars.

Read more at pagesix.


Mormon Influencers Mad with Real House Wives

Some influencers are not happy with how Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are representing their community.

Understood, but how did you guys feel about The Book of Mormon??

Read more at buzzfeednews.


Meryl Streep Raps On Soundtrack To New Ryan Murphy Movie

Meryl Streep raps on ‘Wear Your Crown’, the first single from the cast album to the Ryan Murphy Netflix musical, The Prom. The multiple Oscar-winning actress is hoping to trade bars with Cardi B on the remix to ‘WAP’.

Read more at ew.com.


Diddy Once Spent Time With The Amish

Speaking at a Fresh Air Fund gala, Sean Combs recalled spending time with an Amish family. Diddy called that time ‘crazy’ because the home had no electricity, but the experience taught him how to survive. Combs will detail his experiences in his new song, ‘No Power, No Problems’.

Read more at pagesix.com.



GOING VIRAL



When a Gator Got Your Puppy

Just another day in Florida. Taking the puppy for a walk when gator snatches and takes it for a death roll.

“Fuck that noise” Yells Florida man. And never drops his cigar.

Read more at cnn.



Going To See Santa Claus This Year Is Just Not The Same

If you want to see Santa this year, you’re gonna have to do so with him behind plexiglass. So this year it’s like Santa is in prison and you’re coming by to put some cash in his commissary.



STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS



Mel Magazine Thinks This Is The Best Very Special Episode Of TV Ever

Mel Magazine is saying the episode of Degrassi where a school shooter shoots drake in the back and then gets killed himself is the most important Very Special Episode of a TV show ever. They must not have seen the Saved By The Bell where Jessie gets addicted to caffeine pills. Horrifying.

Read more at melmagazine.com.


10 Best Movies That Are Kind Of True

The one true thing is that when a movie scrolls the term “based on a true story” it should read “loosely based on a true story.”

But E.T. happened right.

Read more at time.



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